Grant Wehrman, best known for his kleptomaniac behavior towards green chairs, Has been attending rehabilitation, helping test out a pilot program for the Nebraska State Penitentiary. Wehrman has been making great strides towards recovery in the program and may even be the programs first graduate if things go well. There is only one problem: Green chairs are still going missing. Police are still investigating how these green chairs are going missing from furniture stores all across the Lincoln area. Reports from the prison show Wehrman is still in the Penitentiary, but police are now starting to wonder if he had any accomplices, or if they even locked up the correct man. The only thing police have found at the scene of the crime is a half- eaten ice-cream cone. Wehrman often gets frequent nighttime visits from one of the members of the accounting office, coincidentally also named Wehrman. Andrew Wehrman is often seen carrying a large bag out of the prison at night and will be called in for questioning later this week.
Jason Wehrman, who goes by the gamer tag JosephStalin, has been outscored in raid weekend three weekends in a row. Despite having a monstrous run in 2023, JosephStalin has started slow in 2024 in raid weekend. A Co-Leader of the Big Cheddar, JosephStalin has been a top scorer in the Clan Capital since its introduction. JosephStalin really started taking things to a new level when the clan unlocked Hog Raiders at Capital Hall Six. Using Hog Raiders and Battle Rams JosephStalin made light work of opposing district halls. In 2024, however, it has been a different story. Both Gouda and SquirrelExpress have outscored JosephStalin this year, leaving outsiders wondering if Jason’s brother Chaitan (known for his addiction to Supercell’s other gaming giant, Hay Day) has been using his attacks. This week alone, SquirrelExpress and Gouda have put up very high scores, with SquirrelExpress scoring 20,925 points and Gouda scoring 18,265, making a victory for JosephStalin a tall task. Don’t expect JosephStalin to be out of that top spot for long, as his experience and reputation gives us a lot of reason for confidence of his return, especially with five, potentially six, attacks left.
True Freshman Caleb Wehrman, of Tabor College, competed in the 2023 Bulldog Early Bird Heptathlon at Concordia, University in Seward, Nebraska on December 8-9, 2023. In preparation for the 2024 Track and Field season, the Tabor College Blue Jays brought promising freshman Caleb Wehrman to compete in the heptathlon. Wehrman finished sixth in the meet, with a total score of 3696. Critics are not all impressed with the record, some even going as far as to claim that he only got the record because no athlete at Tabor had ever done the Heptathlon before. This of course, is not true, but Wehrman will most certainly be watched as he improves on his record over the next couple of years.
"I would never go to Menomonie" -Adam
"Breaking news,
Adam is in Menomonie" -Joshua
Adam, Andrew, and Preston have been on a single quest since age
10: To become a Pokémon master. Starting at age ten, kids are allowed
to pick a starter Pokémon and travel across the land to train them.
Now in their twenties, Adam, Andrew, and Preston put their training to
the test by entering a Pokémon card tournament in Lawrence, Kansas.
The trio diligently put together decks, practiced together, and went
on their way. While none of the Trio came home as the winner of the
tournament, they still got to laugh and learn some valuable lessons
along the way.
When asked if they would ever return, each
had a different response. Andrew, the most committed to the Pokémon
franchise of the bunch, said he could see himself coming back for
another shot at the tournament. Preston said he would do another one
as well, as he is already a frequent competitor alongside his friend.
Adam on the other hand, will probably not make another appearance in
the tournament, noting that he felt rather out of place. “I felt very
out of place”, Adam said. “I felt like most of the people there were
still living in their parent’s basement with long hair and bad B.O.”.
At this time, Adam is still interested in competing in smaller,
friendly competitions amongst his friends and family where the B.O. is
significantly less potent.
On that fateful Saturday, July 29th, 2023, while in line for
supper, Grant was getting exited to enjoy a walking taco after a
rigorous Monkey Ball session. He excitedly grabbed a bag of Doritos
expecting it to be filled with the cheesy snack, but his heart sank.
It was empty. The crinkled relic was simply filled with air. A
perplexed Grant shared his discovery, not knowing that his humble bag
of chips would soon mean so much more.
Quick to make the
scene, Uncle Casey he declared that the empty Doritos bag was more
than a snack mishap and rather the bag is a metaphor for how
corporations are emptying our wallets while filling us with empty
promises of inclusivity and woke culture. He waved his hand
dramatically, accusing "woke corporations". Was this Doritos trying to
shove their woke agenda onto young children?
With this
infiltration of woke culture, The crunch of a chip would never sound
quite the same again.
Long time bunkhouse resident Grant Wehrman was arrested Thursday
morning after an incident in which he was caught trying to steal a
green chair from a local furniture store. Wehrman, 17, was tied to
multiple disappearances of green chairs from furniture stores all over
the country in the last couple of years. Nebraska furniture mart (a
subcompany of Warren Buffett’s Berkshire-Hathaway) has been the
biggest victim of theft, with the total amount of missing property
reported to be over $2,000,000 this year. Founder and CEO Rose Blumkin
stated: “It feels very good to know that the criminal behind the
disappearance of the green chairs is behind bars” and that she “hopes
the proper justice is served” for the perpetrator.
Wehrman
was arrested after the police raided a warehouse previously believed
to be empty just outside of Wichita, Kansas. According to police
reports, the police found pictures of the perpetrator along with
thousands of stolen green chairs.
Upon being arrested,
Wehrman insisted his innocence. Wehrman will plea for innocence upon
his court date next month, claiming that the property was not stolen
by him, but rather his “evil twin”. In the meantime, Wehrman will be
attending rehabilitation, helping test out a pilot program for the
Nebraska State Penitentiary.
The goal of the rehabilitation
program is simple. Help criminals addicted to seats with green
upholstery change their thoughts regarding green chairs. The program
coordinators hope that the program will help the convicted criminals
go from coveting green chairs to serving others with them. The program
partners with “The Green Chair Project” in Raleigh, North Carolina.
The Green Chair Project is a non-profit that was founded in 2010 to
collect and reuse essential furnishings to benefit their Wake County
neighbors in need, especially those in poverty and need. The Green
Chair Project’s mission is to furnish homes and change lives. With the
partnership with the prisons, the community should be benefitted
through both changed lives and emerald furnishings. If you would like
to donate to The Green Chair Project and continue to change lives,
visit www.thegreenchair.org.
After 3,073 days without a clan war win, The Big Cheddar has made a triumphant return to its former glory with a ⭐24-⭐18 victory. This momentous event for the clan has them looking forward to what will come in 2023.
The Bunk House has been Titus free for
days.